I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I understand Curling. That high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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