let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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