the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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