You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
