oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He passed out mid-signature
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
