i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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