So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
