I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize