I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
