'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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