i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
