My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
