In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
