please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
