It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need to calm my uterus...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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