okay pat passed out under dana's car
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
