we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
