I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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