Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
