No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
