I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
