it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sext me about skeletons
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize