The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
