If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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