You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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