I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
