Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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