Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i believe in u and ur pee
Cover your peen. We're going out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
