Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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