It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
