we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
