Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
