So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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