so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
