you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
