He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
