I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
