I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
