I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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