GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
