roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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