No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
