My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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