the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Randomize
