omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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