I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
