shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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