Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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