the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
