I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
