oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
