this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
