Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
