It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
