I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
