Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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