For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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