There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
