Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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