Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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