Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
