i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
