mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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