So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
