i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
