Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my poor anus
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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