i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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