It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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